Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
