Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
