So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
