I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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