Don't make out with my wife yet
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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