So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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