I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
