i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
