i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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