If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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