please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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