I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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