I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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