it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
