Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize