My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
