I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
