all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
