I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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