oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
