Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
