Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have aggressive nipples.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I deserve this hangover.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
