Swine flu. Run for my life!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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