Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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