when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
