so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
