I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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