I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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