Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
nut hugger
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize