you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
