do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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