We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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