You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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