Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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