Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
