saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
