Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she woke up with a sticky ear
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
