you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
