There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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