do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
