Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
