Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
