I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
