Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
