...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
