Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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