We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
