I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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