Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
