You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
