if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
