I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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