Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
