my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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