New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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