There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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