I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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