She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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