I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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