Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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