yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Houston, we have a blender
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
