who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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