they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize