how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
