Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
