I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
