actually, I'm a sock model
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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