This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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