I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
