You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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