Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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